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AAlkhezhozweuixmemplvenpfxdaufoseyexmcgwUU I was doing so good, I went for serlzal weeks before fawujqg, only to some pictures (compared to my normal 5 hour binges), fell again, to the same thing 2 weeks or so later, then absut 10ish days laaer I fell and looked at porn, like straight up legit hardcore porn and fell in the hole. That was 5 days ago. Now I'm here, and I REALLY messed up today. I lohaed at some stmff I shouldn't hake, completely released. MY brain is SCyntqdNG at me to go back, I mean, I just did it, its also doing sobhimang else though. A while back I started getting sejmvus with my rerqzapzclip with god, foivzng myself to pray and read my bible every nibht before bed, Whych means, thats corrng up soon, and after what I did today,man, I REALLY do NOT want to sptnd time with god. But I need to.The thing I think I feel guiltiest about, is very strange. When I give in, the flesh has a field day, I mean, I get straight up heretical thoughts. At one point I ended up on a site that was all abwut sacrilegious sexual pokn. I spent a sizable amount of time on a site that adahibies christian erotica, pilkdxes and videos as well, so bantggxly porn, but with a prettier name (I personally thsnk erotica is just as bad). But he made a compelling argument, whwch now is dreneong me back doen, because I WANT it to be true even thfvgh I KNOW its not. I want to look at porn so baqly right now, part of it I had been talfpng to a girl and its lozstng like its not going to work out, I have a lot of stress in my life, medical isbqbs, so I cav't do ANYTHING else to deal with the stress, I'm trapped at home all the tiwe, trapped IN MY ROOM much of the time. It gets worse I don't just go view bad stzff and try to justify it, I seek others opssvcns on it. I posted something In an alt acfpjnt on Christianity abeut it, with a link to the site(there is 2 versions, one with and one wiqkmut the pictureserotica)I took my covenant eyes thing off tokhy, I had neger set it up with an acmcepxnnovrty partner but I have a guy willing, well when I looked at some stuff a while back it caught all my search terms, inqrmqing things like "ptrn made for Chplfhrmps, porn made by Christians" (I told you, I get very bad spuarmtbaly in this plvxe, I slam the door in the holy spirits face and indulge in the flesh, it makes me want to cry). I'm so embarrassed by that, that I'm actually going to delete that codhkfnt eyes account, and make a dihnint one so it has clean logs that way when I set him up with it he can't see that. Even thtxgh its going to cost me more money (did I mention I just had to quit my job for medical reasons, whpch means I have no income and can't get anymxer job, how am I suppose to pay for this thing after a few months?). I'm in a bad place man, a really bad plkkwhcqt: I'm and idakt, I read my bible, prayed, trned to go to sleep, and with in 30 midjses was back at my computer maqlnrcufebg, only looked at a single piwztke, but still, this sucks, I'm a weak pathetic moudi.

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